Dear Stupid-head,

You are a huge frog-face! Let me educate you: I would NOT have sent the money had I received your email yesterday, you dumb carrot! I sent the money, and then this morning I read your frog-email, but it was too late.

You keep playing games with me because you want to steal the money the Senator owes me. You are never able to get in touch with him because he does not like you and you are trying to steal from him. You are a frogwoman with rice brains. You have stupid hair and spell like a dolphin! I am not afraid of my shadow because I can trust my shadow and it does not resemble a frog like yours does.

I have the MTCN number shoeface! And I will not give it to you! And I will not give it to Mr. Sam STupid either. I will give it directly to the Senator because he is the only one who I can trust!

And Mr. Tundy is still in a coma - not that you care! If he dies it is your fault!
Skip



Dear Skip,
Whatever you say. I know for sure that you did not pay the money yersterday because I did not write you yesterday nor insulted you at any time. You are only afraid of your shadows.Mr Sam will not call you nor the Senator.I cannot reach the Senator at this time but I have forwarded your email to him. I know that he will not write you because He knows you are only kidding.What is insultive about my telling you the truth.The money is your and it to process payment that belongs to you so it is non of my personal business if send the number or not.Are you suppose to send money and keep the MTCN number in the first place?
Ask yourself.
Regards as usual.
Jane



Dear Mrs. Jane,
You are confused, Mr. Tundy is a CAT, not a dog! Please, do not ever let Mr. Tundy hear you call him a dog! They are natural enemies! Also, you should pay better attention, it is my wife who is responsible for the delay. She is the one who put Mr. Tundy out into the frozen tundra of my backyard!!! I'm not sure, but I think that I detected some sarcasm in your message. Why do you insist on insulting me? One minute you are serious, and they next minute you are making fun of me. Do you think my brain is made out of rice? By the way, I sent the money yesterday afternoon. I have the MTCB number or whatever they call it, but I don't think I can trust you. Please have the Senator or Mr. Efe email me and I will give it to them. But I will tell you that I changed the text question to this: Who is a frogwoman? Answer: Mrs.Jane Thomas! Now you will be embarassed in front of your collegues, but I think you deserve it for making fun of me! I think you have shown your true color, MRs. Jane, and it is GREEN because you are a frog woman! I think you are working for my wife or Mr. Cortez!

You are stupid,
Skip



How are you today Mr Skip.

You have finally decided to come out in your true colour. Now it is yourdog not your wife that is responsible for your inability to send the moneyneeded to process your payment.Good luck to you and your dog.
Regards
Mrs Jane Thomas

Dear Mrs. Jane,

Oh my. Please take pity on me. As you are probably aware, it has been very VERY cold in my part of the country the past couple of days. Well, somehow (I don't know how, but I think my frog-head wife may have been involved) my beloved Mr. Tundy got out of the house and nearly froze to death this weekend. I found him ouside - he had ice on his wiskers and couldn't even meow! I took him to the emergency room and he is now in a kitty coma. :( Needless to say, I have been keeping vigil by Mr. Tundy's bedside so I have not been able to wire the money. But I will the moment he wakes up!

Please pray for Mr. Tundy.

Bless,
Skip



Dear skip.
We wait for you to send the money. remember we must start the work by monday morning here.I hope you are able to make it.
I pry for you
Regards
Mrs Jane

Dear Mrs. Jane,

Wow, I had no idea I was causing so much trouble for you and the board. Please send them a report saying that I am good, ok? I have two questions:

1. What is exactly is a certified bank check?
2. Can I change the test question? I am worried that if Cortez finds out about this he could use the question in court as proof that i was involved in the money transaction. I would like to use the following question:Who is the cutest kitty in the world?
Answer: Mr. Tundy, of course!

Please answer and then I will go to the Western Union right away. ..Hold on a second, in a previous email didn't you say that it is not possible to wire money through Western Union to where you are? What is going on? Please explain that.

Thank you,
Skip



Dear skip.

We do not know when the senator will come back. Probably after nest election in may.Good that you are coming through. I must confess that I almost gave up on you. I have even written reports about that to the board. You sounded very unserious and about this business. Or do you think this is not real?. You seems to joke expensively. Your sending of an address at least has solved 50% of the problems. We can now start work on the documentation of the payment at the Bank. You have really delayed otherwise your funds could have been with you now.The process can only commence on Monday and hopefully by Tuesday we should get government approval to send you the money.This is where the fees are needed to pay for stamp duty at the law court and lawyers charges.You are therefore advised to send by western Union the sum of US$320.00 in the name of our account Director.

MR EFE SAM
TEXT QUESTION= WHO
ANSWER=SKIP

Please send us the MTCN number before Monday morning so that the processing can be started.I assume that you want a certified Bank or check drawn in your name and sent to the address listed by you.Please confirm.

My Regards.
Mrs Jane Thomas

Dear Mrs. Jane,

Ok, we can talk more about the advance when the Senator gets back in town. Until then, lets move forward.

Like I said a long time ago, my (real) wife is divorcing me and I don't want important mail going to our house. So I sorted it out today for you to mail things to me at the library, where I spend alot of my time. They are pretty laid back there. So please mail my documents and money to the following address:

Skip Templeton
c/o Oshkosh Public Library
136 Washington AVe
Oshkosh, WI 54901

Ok. There. It is done. I think I have a friend who loan me whatever money needed to cover fees if I can't get the money advanced. so now what?

Regards,
Skip



Dear Skip.

Please forget about the question of advancing you any money. The lawyer and the board turned you down and the Senator is not in town.You are makinig this matter difficult for yourself.YOu must pay this money in advance and you must give us your mnailing address which we shall confirm.otherwise do not write again because I may not re[ply to your mail any longer.
I have better work to do.

Regards
Jane Thomas

Dear Mrs. Jane,

I'm glad that you have finally found it in your heart and brain to place some trust in me (I hope you don't mind, but I changed the subject line to read, "Real Business", since that is what we are all about now, and I was getting tired of the "Re: re: re: re:..." if you catch my drift). I must reiterate that I may be in real DANGER because of this frogboy malachai. I am beginning to question the veracity of his charity!

I know that you have protocal and I respect that. And I am glad that you have stopped playing and making fun of me. I am pretty sure now that you are serious. But before I give you the contents of my rolodex, I must insist that you check with the Senator and your attorneys about giving me an advance on my payment in order to cover the costs of the fees. If that doesn't work, the Senator might be willing to front the money since he is also a very rich man and owes me from our previous business. Feel free to have your attorney contact me.

Regards,
Skip



Dear Skip
Please let be realistic this time around.Do you think this is a kind of joke or we do not have protocol.Can you send money to any body you do know his or her address?can you send money to an account that is without address and all coresponding datas?can you send money to cildren of the corn you do not have their address/that wil be fullish of any body.All these are required if we must do any thing.Besides you are aware that the senator does not resides in Nigeria. He has only nominated you to receive this money from his cahrity organisation. I am not familiar with what you two have done together for you to merit it.There was not provision made for processing of the funds.All beneficiaries this year are supposed to handle their processing themselves.As for you case I have told you that money will be required to pay the attorney who will do the change of ownership and aevery legal processing at the Bank and the law courts here. Thsi is before the funds are approved in you name. Before this time we neeed cash to handle the processing.You must pay these charges. There is no where money can be removed until the funds are processed in your name.This is the situation and that is what others are doing. I have invited you pertsonally if you doubt the veracity of my claims.
My Regards
Mrs Jane

Dear Mrs. Jane,

There is just no way that I can forget about you. You have become part of my life - a very important part of my life.

But please, Mrs. Jane, you must help me. I do not cut corners, especially in the service of humanity and God. And just where are you getting this that I am Cortez, the Senator, and Children of the Corn? I suppose that you think I am Mr. Tundy as well?! This is crazy talk. Oh, you figured me out - In my free time I disguise myself as a lawyer and help my wife divorce me and take half of my stuff (maybe I am also my wife). And if there is still time left in the day, I establish a nonprofit children's charity. And lets not forget how I have managed to become a great Senator and contact myself for help and hire you as well??!! All of this with only a high school diploma and one arm? Do you now see how ridiculous you sound? I hope this puts to rest any doubts you have.

So please, can you just send me part of the money so I can get this Malachai kid off of my back? I was thinking that you could just take whatever fees there are out of the $450,000,000 that is coming my way - clearly I have more than enough to cover it. Please help. I am becoming a charity in myself because of the mess that YOU got me into.

Contact the Senator if you must. Anything to help get me the money to give to Children of the Corn.

Submissively yours,
Skip


Dear Skip.
I have already forwarded your your correspondance between you and i to the Senator.I am a hristain so i do not hold any grudges. I only see you as trying to cut corners.In the work of humanity and God you do not cut corners and get away with it.I put it to you today that you are the same and one with the lawyer and the children home. i do no know whayuou want to get at.if I must work with you. You must meet the requirement expecially on issues of account and personal address. again you must be ready to pay the prescribe fees. Otherwise forget about me.I accept whatever you say I am.

Regards
Mrs jane

Dear Mrs. Jane,

Please, you must help me. That maniac Malachai from Children of the Corn wants to hurt me I think. He keeps calling me saying that he wants the money that I promised him. He says that I am just like the other grown ups and he will treat me that way. Please, you must complete your business with me so I can get rid of this loon.

I'm sorry for all of the bad things I said to you. I'm sorry I called you a frogwoman and a church rat. And I'm sorry that I accused you of trying to stage a hostile takeover of the Board (and I'm sorry for telling the senator of your plan).

Please, I beg you.
Skip