Dear Senator:
Hi, its me, Skip Templeton. We did some business a while back and lately I have been working with your staff on completing the money transfer that is owed to me. So far I have done everything that has been asked of me by your staff: I sent ID, I sent a bank account number, I even contacted a local charity - Children of the Corn - to donate half of the money per your desire (I bet they didn't even tell you about this).
I am writing to complain and to warn you that you have a church rat on your staff and her name is Jane Thomas! I have discovered that she is trying to turn the Board against you so that she can get all of your money. She is a frogwoman and now that I have figured her out she is trying to screw me out of my share of the money. She is mean, impatient, and stupid! She couldn't spell her way out of a cardboard box. She couldn't even spell "box"! You need to get rid of her and whoever is helping her - you may want to look into a guy named Sam Efe - he supposedly is the director of the Board.
Please let me know if I can help you weed out these church rat frogs. But we also need to move forward with the money transfer, so maybe we should work directly with one another from now on. What do you say?
God bless,
Skip
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Dear Mrs. Jane,
How can you say that I am not serious about this after all of the work I have been doing? If what you say is true, you have been wasting my time! I was contacted by the Senator, you frogwoman, and he said that he was in South America. But I know from my schooling that Nigeria is in Asia - so explain that, jerkwad!
You make it sound like I live in a world of make believe!! :( Try telling Calvin Dozie he does not exist and see what happens! He talked to your director Sam Efe and said that Efe did not know what he was talking about.
You are a frogwoman! I smell a church rat and it is you! I think you are trying to steal the Senator's money and I will tell him and you will be sorry. I am smart and figured it out: you and some other rogue members on the board are trying to stage a coup to take over from the older, more sensible leadership that remains loyal to the Senator. Once you seize power of the board, you and your stupid-shoe cronies will try to discredit the Senator and have him deposed. I am going to warn him.
You are a really bad speller, too. I think you have rice where your brain should be.
From,
John "Skip" Templeton
ps. Only my mom calls me "John", so get with the program and call me
"Skip".
dear Sir,
Now I know for sure that you are not serious about this transaction.Everything you say I can do but did your so called attorney- make up one- not tell you that we cannit send out western union from Nigeria?i talked about paying the attorney whi si ghoing do all legal works. You did not respond.It will be better if you do not waste my time anymore.
By the way you now have tow names. John and what.
Regards
Jane
How can you say that I am not serious about this after all of the work I have been doing? If what you say is true, you have been wasting my time! I was contacted by the Senator, you frogwoman, and he said that he was in South America. But I know from my schooling that Nigeria is in Asia - so explain that, jerkwad!
You make it sound like I live in a world of make believe!! :( Try telling Calvin Dozie he does not exist and see what happens! He talked to your director Sam Efe and said that Efe did not know what he was talking about.
You are a frogwoman! I smell a church rat and it is you! I think you are trying to steal the Senator's money and I will tell him and you will be sorry. I am smart and figured it out: you and some other rogue members on the board are trying to stage a coup to take over from the older, more sensible leadership that remains loyal to the Senator. Once you seize power of the board, you and your stupid-shoe cronies will try to discredit the Senator and have him deposed. I am going to warn him.
You are a really bad speller, too. I think you have rice where your brain should be.
From,
John "Skip" Templeton
ps. Only my mom calls me "John", so get with the program and call me
"Skip".
dear Sir,
Now I know for sure that you are not serious about this transaction.Everything you say I can do but did your so called attorney- make up one- not tell you that we cannit send out western union from Nigeria?i talked about paying the attorney whi si ghoing do all legal works. You did not respond.It will be better if you do not waste my time anymore.
By the way you now have tow names. John and what.
Regards
Jane
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Dear Mrs. Thomas,
Thank you for you response. The board is lucky to have someone like you to do the work that they state. I used to have the same problem as you with not being patient and I think I can help you, or rather, I can help you help yourself! So here is a trick that my shrink taught me: whenever you start to lose your patience -like if you are waiting for something, like a bus (I take the bus everywhere!) - start to do everything in slow motion. Even though you will be moving in "slomo", the rest of the world will still be moving in real time - so when the bus finally does come, it doesn't seem like you were waiting as long (this can even be fun sometimes, especially when you are with a friend - try talking with them in "slomo". Trust me, it is hilarious).
Anyhow, I am one step ahead of you. Yesterday I met with my good friend and lawyer, Calvin Dozie, and he told me that instead of giving you my bank account info (he said that will only slow things down - and not in the good "slomo" way!), that your office should just send me a check - free and clear. However, he said that there is a legal document, called a Writ of Condition, that you can send with the check which will make it so I can't get any money until half of the money is donated to Children of the Corn. We can arrange it so that you wire the money through Western Union. All you need is a code and a test question.
Dozie says that this is also better because he thinks that the stupid dorkhead Cortez might be spying on my emails - so I should keep my new bank account info secret. Dozie also said that you should email me the documents and he will help me fill them out. He is going to call your director today.
I can't believe this is finally happening!
God bless,
John*
*editor's note: John signed his REAL name...ooops.
Dear Skip,
I must confess that I am not a very patient person. I do my work as stated by the board.
1. We need the full name and address of your bank, the account #, savings and checking number or routing # if availbale or how do you expect money to be transfer to a chemical Bank in No where.
2. we need your mailing address.There are documents to be processed with these informations and you will have to pay for the services of a lawyer who will do the processing on your behalf. Otherwise you will have to be here in person to sign for the release of the funds to you.This is our standard procedures.We also insist that you call our director. The number you have it since you have refused to furnish us with a telephone number to reach you.
Regards
Mrs Jane
Thank you for you response. The board is lucky to have someone like you to do the work that they state. I used to have the same problem as you with not being patient and I think I can help you, or rather, I can help you help yourself! So here is a trick that my shrink taught me: whenever you start to lose your patience -like if you are waiting for something, like a bus (I take the bus everywhere!) - start to do everything in slow motion. Even though you will be moving in "slomo", the rest of the world will still be moving in real time - so when the bus finally does come, it doesn't seem like you were waiting as long (this can even be fun sometimes, especially when you are with a friend - try talking with them in "slomo". Trust me, it is hilarious).
Anyhow, I am one step ahead of you. Yesterday I met with my good friend and lawyer, Calvin Dozie, and he told me that instead of giving you my bank account info (he said that will only slow things down - and not in the good "slomo" way!), that your office should just send me a check - free and clear. However, he said that there is a legal document, called a Writ of Condition, that you can send with the check which will make it so I can't get any money until half of the money is donated to Children of the Corn. We can arrange it so that you wire the money through Western Union. All you need is a code and a test question.
Dozie says that this is also better because he thinks that the stupid dorkhead Cortez might be spying on my emails - so I should keep my new bank account info secret. Dozie also said that you should email me the documents and he will help me fill them out. He is going to call your director today.
I can't believe this is finally happening!
God bless,
John*
*editor's note: John signed his REAL name...ooops.
Dear Skip,
I must confess that I am not a very patient person. I do my work as stated by the board.
1. We need the full name and address of your bank, the account #, savings and checking number or routing # if availbale or how do you expect money to be transfer to a chemical Bank in No where.
2. we need your mailing address.There are documents to be processed with these informations and you will have to pay for the services of a lawyer who will do the processing on your behalf. Otherwise you will have to be here in person to sign for the release of the funds to you.This is our standard procedures.We also insist that you call our director. The number you have it since you have refused to furnish us with a telephone number to reach you.
Regards
Mrs Jane
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Dear Mrs. Jane,
Why are you so angry at me? I was happy that you were not so nice to that stupid jerkstore lawyer Cortez, but I was sad when I saw that you seem just as mad at me. Please do not turn into a frogwoman. I have been working my tail off trying to make this work. I can only do so much, you know. I have a full-time job, a cat, and have to deal with constant harrassment from that trufflesniffer Cortez.
Please Mrs. Jane. the only game I play is Settlers of Cataan (loads of fun once you get the hang of it). Remember, your boss, the Senator contacted me! He knew me from my earlier work with Julieth Williams and Calvin Dozie. I hope that you are not the one playing games with me. You better not be one of Cortez's 'stupid troopers' that mess with me.
Anyways, now that that is settled, I went to the Chemical Bank yesterday and opened up an account (yeah, I thought that would get your attention, or did you forget that we are actually doing business here?!). Here is the info: I have a savings account, a checking account (they talked me into this), an atm card that I can use almost anywhere. My account number is 02948203098. I only have $20 in it so far, because that is the minimum needed to open up an account with them.
Ok, so now you have my library card, bank account info, and charity info. I think that is everything that you asked for. So what is next?
God bless,
Skip
Dear Sir,
I sent you a copy of my reply to The lawyer.It seems someone is over assuming or playiong games. But in order to be above board here I decide to open up to both parties. It si not our duty how you share your funds with your wife. Or are the one writing both mail. I wonder how the lawyer got my email address. I have asked him to call my director. I also by this precit ask you to call My director as well.
We shall continue to deal with you but immediately we notice unseriouness from your part we shall stop. Uptill now you have not sent any mailing address and bank detail. We do not work like this.I strongly think someone is playing Gmaes. until you make a personal call I will consider this relationship not serious enough to warrant our attention. I have made this complain to my Director. Mr Sam Efe.
REgards
Mrs Jane Thomas
Why are you so angry at me? I was happy that you were not so nice to that stupid jerkstore lawyer Cortez, but I was sad when I saw that you seem just as mad at me. Please do not turn into a frogwoman. I have been working my tail off trying to make this work. I can only do so much, you know. I have a full-time job, a cat, and have to deal with constant harrassment from that trufflesniffer Cortez.
Please Mrs. Jane. the only game I play is Settlers of Cataan (loads of fun once you get the hang of it). Remember, your boss, the Senator contacted me! He knew me from my earlier work with Julieth Williams and Calvin Dozie. I hope that you are not the one playing games with me. You better not be one of Cortez's 'stupid troopers' that mess with me.
Anyways, now that that is settled, I went to the Chemical Bank yesterday and opened up an account (yeah, I thought that would get your attention, or did you forget that we are actually doing business here?!). Here is the info: I have a savings account, a checking account (they talked me into this), an atm card that I can use almost anywhere. My account number is 02948203098. I only have $20 in it so far, because that is the minimum needed to open up an account with them.
Ok, so now you have my library card, bank account info, and charity info. I think that is everything that you asked for. So what is next?
God bless,
Skip
Dear Sir,
I sent you a copy of my reply to The lawyer.It seems someone is over assuming or playiong games. But in order to be above board here I decide to open up to both parties. It si not our duty how you share your funds with your wife. Or are the one writing both mail. I wonder how the lawyer got my email address. I have asked him to call my director. I also by this precit ask you to call My director as well.
We shall continue to deal with you but immediately we notice unseriouness from your part we shall stop. Uptill now you have not sent any mailing address and bank detail. We do not work like this.I strongly think someone is playing Gmaes. until you make a personal call I will consider this relationship not serious enough to warrant our attention. I have made this complain to my Director. Mr Sam Efe.
REgards
Mrs Jane Thomas
Dear Ms. Jane,
Holy smokes!!!! How did that frogman Cortez find out about you?! And why were you so nice to him in your email?!!! He is a mean frogman money-sniffer. Please do not be nice to him and do not tell him how much money we are dealing with. He will just try and confuse you with his fancy legal mumbo jumbo jargon, quid pro quo, ispso facto, amicus curie blah blah blah.
My lunchbreak is in two hours. Should I still go to the bank? Yes, I should. I will. Hopefully Cortez will not have one of his frogmen follow me. I promise I will be careful and you promise that we are still doing this - I need this money and I want to help the poor children in my area.
Godspeed,
Skip
Holy smokes!!!! How did that frogman Cortez find out about you?! And why were you so nice to him in your email?!!! He is a mean frogman money-sniffer. Please do not be nice to him and do not tell him how much money we are dealing with. He will just try and confuse you with his fancy legal mumbo jumbo jargon, quid pro quo, ispso facto, amicus curie blah blah blah.
My lunchbreak is in two hours. Should I still go to the bank? Yes, I should. I will. Hopefully Cortez will not have one of his frogmen follow me. I promise I will be careful and you promise that we are still doing this - I need this money and I want to help the poor children in my area.
Godspeed,
Skip
Dear skip.
Below is a message we got from the attorney representing your wife in the matter of divioce and our response therein. It seems something is wrong somewhere which we are noit ready to be involved in. Please cleare all grey areas and get back to this office for continuity of transaction.
Regards
Mrs Jane
for the Board.
Dear Downey,
Glad to receive your mail.
Please be informed that we are not a party to the court between Mr Skip Templeon and his wife. We do not intend to join issues on this matter as transaction between this office and the siad Mr Skip is purely foir humanitarian purpoise.
We shall therefore forward a copy of your mail to Mr Skip so that he can take whatever action he deems fit on it.
My regards
Mrs Jane Thomas
Below is a message we got from the attorney representing your wife in the matter of divioce and our response therein. It seems something is wrong somewhere which we are noit ready to be involved in. Please cleare all grey areas and get back to this office for continuity of transaction.
Regards
Mrs Jane
for the Board.
Dear Downey,
Glad to receive your mail.
Please be informed that we are not a party to the court between Mr Skip Templeon and his wife. We do not intend to join issues on this matter as transaction between this office and the siad Mr Skip is purely foir humanitarian purpoise.
We shall therefore forward a copy of your mail to Mr Skip so that he can take whatever action he deems fit on it.
My regards
Mrs Jane Thomas
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Downey Cortez
Dear Mrs. Thomas:
Greetings. My name is Downey Cortez, Jr. and I am the attorney representing Mrs. Flo Templeton in the matter of her dissolution of marriage from Mr. Skip Templeton (Templeton v. Templeton, Oshkosh County Case No. 5462316).
I am writing because I have recently discovered, through the discovery process, that the office you work for is planning on doing some business with Mr. Templeton that will involve a sizeable financial transaction. Please be advised that my client is entitled to half of all monies of said transaction. The law demands it. I expect complete cooperation from you and your office in this matter.
Good day.
Very truly yours,
Downey Cortez, Jr., Esq.
Attorney at Law
Greetings. My name is Downey Cortez, Jr. and I am the attorney representing Mrs. Flo Templeton in the matter of her dissolution of marriage from Mr. Skip Templeton (Templeton v. Templeton, Oshkosh County Case No. 5462316).
I am writing because I have recently discovered, through the discovery process, that the office you work for is planning on doing some business with Mr. Templeton that will involve a sizeable financial transaction. Please be advised that my client is entitled to half of all monies of said transaction. The law demands it. I expect complete cooperation from you and your office in this matter.
Good day.
Very truly yours,
Downey Cortez, Jr., Esq.
Attorney at Law
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