Dear Mrs. Thomas,

Thank you for you response. The board is lucky to have someone like you to do the work that they state. I used to have the same problem as you with not being patient and I think I can help you, or rather, I can help you help yourself! So here is a trick that my shrink taught me: whenever you start to lose your patience -like if you are waiting for something, like a bus (I take the bus everywhere!) - start to do everything in slow motion. Even though you will be moving in "slomo", the rest of the world will still be moving in real time - so when the bus finally does come, it doesn't seem like you were waiting as long (this can even be fun sometimes, especially when you are with a friend - try talking with them in "slomo". Trust me, it is hilarious).

Anyhow, I am one step ahead of you. Yesterday I met with my good friend and lawyer, Calvin Dozie, and he told me that instead of giving you my bank account info (he said that will only slow things down - and not in the good "slomo" way!), that your office should just send me a check - free and clear. However, he said that there is a legal document, called a Writ of Condition, that you can send with the check which will make it so I can't get any money until half of the money is donated to Children of the Corn. We can arrange it so that you wire the money through Western Union. All you need is a code and a test question.

Dozie says that this is also better because he thinks that the stupid dorkhead Cortez might be spying on my emails - so I should keep my new bank account info secret. Dozie also said that you should email me the documents and he will help me fill them out. He is going to call your director today.

I can't believe this is finally happening!

God bless,
John*


*editor's note: John signed his REAL name...ooops.



Dear Skip,

I must confess that I am not a very patient person. I do my work as stated by the board.

1. We need the full name and address of your bank, the account #, savings and checking number or routing # if availbale or how do you expect money to be transfer to a chemical Bank in No where.

2. we need your mailing address.There are documents to be processed with these informations and you will have to pay for the services of a lawyer who will do the processing on your behalf. Otherwise you will have to be here in person to sign for the release of the funds to you.This is our standard procedures.We also insist that you call our director. The number you have it since you have refused to furnish us with a telephone number to reach you.

Regards
Mrs Jane