Dear Mrs. Jane,
I am sending this email to both of your email accounts to make sure that you get it. Thank you so much for your speedy response. I have looked over your message carefully and have begun working on gathering the information you need, but I have a few questions:
1. I am in the middle of a nasty divorce right now, and am not sure if I should give you my home address and telephone number because if my stupid wife hears or sees anything she will get suspicious. I don't want her jerkstore lawyer to make me give her half of the loot (that is for the charity!). So should I use a P.O. Box instead? And maybe I should get one of those mobile phones?
2. Because of the divorce, I think I will open up a new bank account for this deal (my wife's frogman lawyer already has access to my bank statements and get this, he is asking for half of my baseball card collection! That includes 4 Will Clark rookie cards!). So this may take a few days.
3. I don't have a passport (never left the country!) nor do I have a drivers license (I take the bus!). Does the ID need to have my photo on it? Or can I use my library card (why buy books when you can borrow them, right?) or gym membership card (the guy at the counter will vouch for me - I go there every day).
4. I already found a good charity in my area. It is called "Children of the Corn" and helps poor children of rural families who have been hurt by the provisions of the Agricultural Adjustment Act and the Boll Weevil. I called them and talked to someone named Malachai. I didn't tell him how much money I would donate (that will be a surprise!) but he said they welcome all the help they can. Please make sure that you tell the Senator about this. I want him to know that I am serious about sharing my wealth and spreading joy to the poor children.
5. I tried calling Mr. Efe Sam at the number you gave but it didn't work. I just got three short beeps, then two long beeps, and then a static noise. I was calling from a payphone so maybe I'll try again from a different payphone.
Thank you and please answer my questions so we can complete the transfer as soon as possible. I am very excited about this!
God bless,
Skip Templeton
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